paisleypreener

Really like this. Perhaps rephrase for far too many times i've tried . For far is a bit of a tonguetwister, but maybe the sense of tripping slightly, adds to ...

Really good idea to write about micheal jackson! Something other than a tabloid piece. It would be a very different poem, but maybe you could write it in really short, ...

Nice one!

The Aesthetic Crusade Mother and I stole Out to the garden last night. Quick shadows in home’s gold light, Streaked with coal, We bowled across the oily lawn. To the ...

Maybe you'll like it more if you make it less cristal clear what's going on? As in, towards the end you could give away less about what she's feeling, do ...

Have you thought about writing a tune to this poem, to make it a song? The rhythm of the words is really strong and could work well. - C