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Re: Clique Breaker:Chapter Two
Hi there :) I just read this and chapter one of your story. Here is what I'm thinking: First off, I really love the way she begins to fight to ...
Jul 10, 2011 -
Re: The stranger
Great poem :) I love the simplicity of it, how you just come right out and say how much everyone means to you. Hopefully, if you go back and edit ...
Jul 7, 2011 -
Re: Vengeance (chapter twelve)
Hi! Great chapter :) Just a couple notes: Eventually he believed her reluctantly, though Dean suspected that he also noticed the small amount of blood that was soaking through Sarah's ...
Jun 26, 2011 -
Re: Dragonmaster Chapter 8: The Sleeping Potion
Hi there! I'd like to say that I think this chapter could really benefit from more details and imagery :). While reading it I start to get this great picture ...
Jun 25, 2011 -
Re: Take A Chance- 13
Hi there! A few things first: There were a couple problems with keeping it in the same tense in the beginning. Example: there's going to be a time just for ...
Jun 25, 2011 -
Re: The Cold Twilight
Great story! I think it could use a little more detail about Elijah. Perhaps in the beginning you could include more to show what kind of person he is and ...
Jun 7, 2011 -
Re: Puddles
First off I want to say I really loved this story. I think that maybe it could have some more fluidity/transition easier by having more details. For example, Jimmy pulls ...
Jun 7, 2011 -
Re: Rosebud
I really enjoyed this! I agree with Ignatius5453. Sometimes the first thoughts that pop into our heads come out to be great. I love the visual of communicating with the ...
Jun 6, 2011 -
Re: The Hunter's Night
Great job! You chose some really great descriptive words in this that helped me easily capture the imagery. In particular, I really liked the lines "The field was like a ...
Jun 5, 2011
