User avatar

ondraaayuh

  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Clique Breaker:Chapter Two

    Hi there :) I just read this and chapter one of your story. Here is what I'm thinking: First off, I really love the way she begins to fight to ...

    Jul 10, 2011
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: The stranger

    Great poem :) I love the simplicity of it, how you just come right out and say how much everyone means to you. Hopefully, if you go back and edit ...

    Jul 7, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Vengeance (chapter twelve)

    Hi! Great chapter :) Just a couple notes: Eventually he believed her reluctantly, though Dean suspected that he also noticed the small amount of blood that was soaking through Sarah's ...

    Jun 26, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Dragonmaster Chapter 8: The Sleeping Potion

    Hi there! I'd like to say that I think this chapter could really benefit from more details and imagery :). While reading it I start to get this great picture ...

    Jun 25, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: Take A Chance- 13

    Hi there! A few things first: There were a couple problems with keeping it in the same tense in the beginning. Example: there's going to be a time just for ...

    Jun 25, 2011
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: The Cold Twilight

    Great story! I think it could use a little more detail about Elijah. Perhaps in the beginning you could include more to show what kind of person he is and ...

    Jun 7, 2011
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: Puddles

    First off I want to say I really loved this story. I think that maybe it could have some more fluidity/transition easier by having more details. For example, Jimmy pulls ...

    Jun 7, 2011
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Rosebud

    I really enjoyed this! I agree with Ignatius5453. Sometimes the first thoughts that pop into our heads come out to be great. I love the visual of communicating with the ...

    Jun 6, 2011
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: The Hunter's Night

    Great job! You chose some really great descriptive words in this that helped me easily capture the imagery. In particular, I really liked the lines "The field was like a ...

    Jun 5, 2011


If food is poetry, is not poetry also food?
— Joyce Carol Oates