ofir

You have a few grammar mistakes - here: when you write "said" you should put a comma infront of it. "She smiled," he said. You put a dot there a ...

Different prologue Mrs. Tompson's class was known throughout the school for its tidy homeroom. Not only that, but all the students were extremely well behaved as well, or so everyone ...

It had me laughing as soon as I realized the crisis at hand. Nice contradiction - very irregular. Loved it. This is very, very good. I enjoyed reading it a ...

I'm not sure what to make of this. There isn't much I can review, because the majority of this piece is from the bible itself. I thought it was a ...

Hey, I really need help with this one - I wrote it a long time ago, and I can't find ways to fix it. Also, is this a bit childish? ...

It needs some editing, but I liked it very much, almost as much as the first! Brilliant writing style. I love where this is going with the plot! Ma seems ...

I love it. Honestly. You managed to make the timing believable, along with the words you chose in sentences, and everything. Your characters are... well, let me explain: Ma crack's ...

Chapter three - Clash Headmaster was pacing. Not a very unusual state for her, as Lily had observed over the years, but nevertheless, there was tension in her face, and ...

It was sad, and good. I liked the last line - see, she's supposed to feel terrible about her boyfriend's death, and instead she thinks about herself, about her mother ...

The whole tenses point is sort of driving me crazy [I'm sorry, I ususally really don't mind it.] see, you slip from past to present and it's very confusing. I ...

Hey there! Please help with this chapter! I wanted it to be clear: this is not some love story, filled with gooy things. It has a bit of that - ...

Okay, I loved it! You have a million spelling mistakes, and at least two tenses mistakes, and you don't know when to put a comma or a period but I ...

I wrote this a while back and did my best on the editing. Please rip it apart, so that I may reconstruct it. Also, it's extremely important for me to ...

I loved the first one. It has a feeling of dawn, a new page after the darkness of night and all. I think you were able to capture some of ...

Okay, so more descriptions on emotions. How did the fear feel, then the hot feeling of courage, and all of those. It's a nice chapter, you need to work on ...