ofir
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okay, so i don't really know how this works. i'm going to put it here and we'll see from there. nobody ever really critesised me before because not many people ...Mar 29, 2009 -
comments are apprecieted!It's just something I thought of right now, so it's not complete. I don't really like the begining and I have a lot of spelling mistakes, I'll fix ...Apr 2, 2009 -
Leaving a place you liked was never easy. I looked around the tiny apartment that had been my home for so long. The brown marble floor looked clean enough, the ...Apr 15, 2009 -
chapter 1 I hated waking up. It was the worse part of the day. My clock buzzed another demanding shrill chime. I opened my eyes unwillingly, staring at the boy ...Apr 17, 2009 -
I never really understood how I had gotten myself into this situation. As I looked up at the merciless eyes of the man who intended to kill me, pitch black, ...Apr 18, 2009 -
chapter 2 I ducked as soon as I heard the crash. I squinted, listening carefully to the explosion, trying to tell where it came from. The floor shook under my ...Apr 20, 2009 -
I landed on my right arm. It hurt, but I didn't have much time to acknowledge the pain. I was on soldier mode now, mentally at least; I didn't have ...Apr 24, 2009 -
Hey everyone! I haven't logged on in months, but now I'm back!! Thank you so much to everyone who commented, it was actually what made me continue. Give me you ...May 20, 2009 -
The call- Regina spektor "Seriously, Angela, you can let go now." He seemed almost joking, his almond shaped eyes, the color of the sky during a storm, streaks of a ...May 27, 2009 -
this is my brother's work, he's publishing it through my account. It means a lot to him, so reviews and critiques are welcome! Twilight The Twilight Comes Now The Sun ...May 28, 2009 -
Hey, so I'm hopping to get at least two comments, unlike last time when I just got pushed out of the page, so please, make my day. I just came ...May 31, 2009 -
I wanted to thank everybody who commented- it means a lot to me. Everything about this story is first draft, not thoroughly edited, and so any comment and critique whatsoever ...Jun 2, 2009 -
Thank you for the latest comments- I don't feel that confident about this chapter, and it's still the first draft, so please please please, help me out! Thanks. chapter three ...Jun 5, 2009 -
Hello! Please comment, I'll appreciate it a lot. It needs all the help it can get at this point Thanks. The novel chapter 1- Bad luck No. This couldn't be. ...Jun 8, 2009 -
thank you so so much to all who commented1 I appreciate it immensely! Comments are always welcomed. chapter 2- laughing The haze that covered my eyes now was ridiculous. I ...Jun 11, 2009 -
Heya people! Please, please, please, comment, I really need the help!!! Thank you so much, MiriamHannah, you helped a lot with this!! Sorry it's so long guys, I just got ...Jun 14, 2009 -
Hello! Here's my latest chapter- I had a lot of problems getting it done, but here it is! Please comment and review- I need the help!!! Chapter 4 - end ...Jun 17, 2009 -
Hey, so here's chapter 5, it's really short since I've been struggling with it. Help is needed! chapter 5 Kelly was hurt. Not that I was surprised by that fact, ...Jun 21, 2009 -
so, chapter 6! It's still short, but it took a lot of work, so please comment and help!!Thank you so much guys!! chapter 6- unexpected "I'm late," I looked at ...Jun 24, 2009 -
Hey there everyone!! New chapter is finally up! Thank you, everyone, for all your help! This is a major breakthrough in the story. Please help! Chapter 7- The truth "Miss." ...Jun 29, 2009 -
Hey guys! Sorry about the delay. It's a very short chapter [yet again] and I really need your help!! Thank you so, so much. ofir. chapter eight- Running away The ...Jul 2, 2009 -
Hey! So, I was brainstorming, and this is what came of it. I edited as well as I could, but I really need your help! This is a very, very ...Jul 4, 2009 -
Hello. So, just so you know, every bit of this is true. Maybe expect for the Ogre part - my dad never really agreed with me on that one ^ ...Jul 13, 2009 -
Hello, so, I'm not very whole with this piece, and I hope I could improve it in the future. Thanks^ ^. [Romance fantasy. Sort of.] Enjoy! Grace was never a ...Jul 14, 2009 -
Prologue and chapter 1 - don't worry, it's rather short. Enchantment Prologue A thousand tiny daggers stabbed at my throat. Not again, I thought in despair. Please, just not again. ...Jul 20, 2009 -
I wrote this a while back and did my best on the editing. Please rip it apart, so that I may reconstruct it. Also, it's extremely important for me to ...Jul 25, 2009 -
Hey there! Please help with this chapter! I wanted it to be clear: this is not some love story, filled with gooy things. It has a bit of that - ...Jul 29, 2009 -
Chapter three - Clash Headmaster was pacing. Not a very unusual state for her, as Lily had observed over the years, but nevertheless, there was tension in her face, and ...Aug 1, 2009 -
Hey, I really need help with this one - I wrote it a long time ago, and I can't find ways to fix it. Also, is this a bit childish? ...Aug 25, 2009 -
DifferentprologueMrs. Tompson's class was known throughout the school for its tidy homeroom. Not only that, but all the students were extremely well behaved as well, or so everyone kept repeating. ...Sep 7, 2009 -
Chapter One – Strange crowdEli stared. She tried to swallow, but her throat was completely dry. The guard pushed her a step further. She shot him an irritated glance. "No ...Sep 11, 2009 -
Thank you so much for all the reviews!Chapter Two - The youth in the boxTwister pranced around the space joyfully. "Our room!" she said, her voice high with anticipation. Eli ...Sep 14, 2009 -
DifferentChapter Three - First morning"I want her out of here!" Leila's cheeks were flushed red with chagrin, though the redness in Zi's cheeks was much more visible over his olive ...Sep 20, 2009 -
I'm kind of stuck from here on, reviews help keep me motivated, so please comment! Thanks for taking the time to read it!I hope things never changeChemicals. I wrinkled my ...Sep 22, 2009 -
Not so sure about the name, if you have any suggestions, please tell me! Thanks for reading, any review would be welcomed. Please tear it to shreds! Thanks, Ofir. P.S. ...Nov 10, 2009 -
I haven't written fantasy fiction in a while, so I really need help. Any comment would be appreciated. Thank you for your help!A lifeless secret - prologueBreathless, Erin continued to ...Dec 4, 2009 -
Hey there. I was trying out something new, I haven't even edited it yet, and I really need help with it. One of my first attempts at a short story. ...Dec 15, 2009 -
I wrote this a while ago but now I'm continuing it. Alternative title is "Speaking is Beautiful". It's rather short. Thanks for reading! Every comment will be appreciated.Prologue Speaking is ...Jan 14, 2010 -
It was a Christmas day in 1998I'm not a hundred percent sure about the dateThe stockings were hanged on that white Christmas dayAnd the good and the naughty were just ...Feb 1, 2010 -
He Didn't Like MeWe were never meant to have a happy ending. Not me and him. Humans, maybe. I mean, all fairytales come from truth, deep down underneath. But not ...Feb 21, 2010 -
GipsyScuttling through the forest, Melanie ran. The fir trees around her stood tall and mighty, and every branch which twisted itself into her hair made her gasp for air, every ...Mar 5, 2010 -
Alice hides alone in a dark holeBecause in life Alice must play a certain role.On the verge of insanity Alice swingsLike a bird with no wings.There is no evil queen ...Mar 7, 2010 -
The Raven SongThe ravens always comeThey never leave me aloneStanding so still like they're made of stone,They keep chirping "it's okay"But that's all they really say. In this field the ...Mar 16, 2010 -
This is a very rough draft. I've worked at it and worked at it, but it seems... odd. I don't know how to fix it. I appreciate any attempt at ...Apr 8, 2010 -
The tears welled up in my eyes as I ran. I felt light-headed. My mind was too busy racing with thoughts. There were many of them, all speaking up at ...Apr 15, 2010 -
TappingThe tapping on my window started again. I breathed through my nose, closing my eyes. I needed to calm down. Just because I was the only one that heard it ...Apr 25, 2010 -
I would appreciate any sort of comment There have been many events which led me to writing this. Please tell me what you think. Thanks. I edited it - thank ...May 9, 2010 -
This was no big deal, I tried to convince myself feebly. I'd opened this door a million times before. No big deal. Even I could hear how lame my persuasion ...May 17, 2010 -
The Party - Chapter twoI growled sleepily at the people in the hallway. I knew it wasn't really their fault it was morning, but I couldn't help the desire to ...May 21, 2010 -
The Party - Chapter threeI was gloomy throughout the school day, hoping something would cheer me up. I was back in school, finally, but it was absolutely no fun now.Alex's ...May 26, 2010 -
The Party - chapter four sorry about the length, guys. Thank you so much for the help. The gate creaked as usual as I walked the stone road to my ...Jun 3, 2010 -
The Party - Chapter FiveThe entire class groaned, their voices mismatching. "Volunteering," said Mr. Hamilton, pushing his glasses up his nose, "Is a virtue. And that virtue will consist thirty ...Jun 12, 2010 -
This is gor the seven deadly sins contest. I think it really needs work, so please help! I appreciate any comment whatsoever. Thank you.EvnyI touched Kate's straight dark hair gingerly, ...Jun 14, 2010 -
It's a bit long. Thank you so much for your help! There's a lot more action going on this chapter Oh, yeah, before I continue, I fixed chapter five's fighting ...Jun 24, 2010 -
I'm back! Thank you for your help. I actually really like this chapter - please tell me what you think! The Party - Chapter SevenI hadn't missed much, or so ...Jul 10, 2010 -
Sorry about the length!!! This is, without doubt, the longest chapter I've put up yet. It is majorly important to the plot though, so I really can't cut anything out ...Jul 18, 2010 -
The walls are closing in on me. It sounds crazy, I know, but they are. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time somebody would call me crazy. It's the only ...Jul 22, 2010 -
My heart was beating so loudly in my chest; I thought it should burst out. I pushed through the doors, urging my feet forward. I could feel the momentum pulling ...Jul 30, 2010 -
Hi, guys!!! Thank you for reviewing! Runaway Marriage - chapter 1, part 2My parents took turns pacing across the living room. They could wear the carpet thin if they kept ...Aug 1, 2010 -
Don't GoDon't go.Those words seemed so ridiculous to me just a short time ago. Of course people will go; it's in our nature. Come and go, and then come back, ...Aug 2, 2010 -
Too LateI held on to my pillow with everything I had. Tears dripped from my eyes, hot and salty as they slipped onto my nose. They tickled somehow. It was ...Aug 8, 2010 -
Something is missing and I don't know what it is!!! Help?LettersDear Cody,How's it going? Are you liking the new place? I bet it's great. Everyone talks about it like it ...Aug 27, 2010 -
Thank you so much for your help!!! It means the world to me Letters [2]Cody, you ungrateful twerp!You were drunk! You were effing, freakin' drunk! I just heard!!! You. Are. ...Sep 3, 2010 -
You're losing your memory.That's a terrifying thought. None of the doctors know why, they just whisper and cast you pitying glances. You haven't told your family yet. God, and your ...Sep 16, 2010 -
Hi! I hadn't written short stories in a while so this might be a bit rusty. Thank you for your help, in advance!It's What I DoIt's what I do. It ...Oct 14, 2010 -
Letters To CodyDear Cody,How's it going? Are you liking the new place? I bet it's great. Everyone talks about it like it is.Snowy bit me today and it really hurt, ...Oct 24, 2010 -
They say write about what you know. I know I hurt you. And I know I'm sorry for it. I'm sorry I didn't think it through when I carelessly played ...Nov 6, 2010 -
For the Postsecrets contest! I got a bit carried away, hehe Please help! Thank you! ^__^ Spoiler! : number seven guys!!! ***I shivered against the cold of the alley, wrapping ...Nov 14, 2010 -
Let's say there's a girl. You know what I'm talking about: bright eyes, soft lips, the works - don't deny it. Everyone has that girl, the one that makes their ...Nov 25, 2010 -
I once met a magician who wore a great big hatOut of it, though, he could only pull a catQuite miserable he was, thanks to this turn of eventsAnything else ...Dec 29, 2010 -
This is an old story that I wrote. I've posted this before on short stories, but I re-read it and decided to make something of it! I appreciate all help ...Jan 5, 2011 -
I pounded against the bathroom door. "Jake, open up right now," I commanded firmly. I did a good job of keeping the anxiety out of my voice, though inside my ...Jan 12, 2011 -
It's downright stupid that I miss you when you're right here. I can't help it, though, seeing as you're not really here. Yeah, sure, you smile for other people, you ...Jan 18, 2011 -
I cowered behind Elle's shoulder nervously, swallowing as my eyes followed a figure in the throng of students. "Did you see that guy?" I shivered. "He looks scary..." It wasn't ...Feb 11, 2011 -
Once upon a time, you made me smile. Honest, my heart would jump up to my throat, shouting "Oh NO!" yet at the same time shouting "Oh YES!" because I ...Mar 13, 2011 -
I gave my best friend one of our super long hugs and hid my face in her long dark curls. She always smelled nice, like strawberry and cream. "Are you ...Apr 9, 2011 -
He's a thirty four year old child, or so his wife would scream at the top of her lungs, tears dripping from her eyes, black tears, filled with makeup and ...Apr 22, 2011 -
I'm angry with you, angry as hellI sort of wonder if you can even tellOne minute you were up so high, but oh, how you fellSo you might still have ...Apr 24, 2011 -
You have the palest skin that I have ever seen; smooth, flawless skin, clinging to the inside of my palms as I hold you with shaking hands. Your veins are ...May 19, 2011 -
In my dream, everything was calm. The wind weaved musically between the tall yellow grass, and the grey sky sprinkled with swirling cotton clouds went on forever.I touched my cheek ...Jun 8, 2011 -
She was like a little princess, that's what everyone would sayMom and Dad and Grandma, toobut whatever, that's okay.She was the ballerina of us two, nimble and graceful as can ...Jun 13, 2011 -
Spoiler! : Please help me with this! Was it descriptive enough? Did my MC's emotions get through? And, the most important thing, was it good? It's my first time writing ...Jun 23, 2011 -
The sun is bright behind the glass window and I have to crinkle my eyes against its glare. It's beautiful, of course, but like most beautiful things, you may not ...Jul 18, 2011 -
The Hatter spreads some butterOn the toast in his hand."Terribly sorry," he mutters, "The jam is awfully bland.""That's alright," I reply, sipping my tea"Jam is just jam, and it always ...Sep 11, 2011 -
Spoiler! : Thank you so much for the Feature! It means the world to me to hear how much you liked it, and how it moved you. Thank you so ...Sep 27, 2011 -
I think about you every night before I go to sleep. I imagine your stubble tickling my chin, remember the way you used to whisper into my ear, picture your ...Nov 2, 2011 -
I don't know when it started;Probably some cold, water-colored dawnHidden away between sheets and sheetsOf sharp lines and tear-drops.I don't know what kept it going until now;It should have faded ...Nov 26, 2011 -
"Sometimes it's better being alone," you murmur in the thick silence that's laced through the air."What do you mean?" I turn around in the bed, half unwillingly, because the blanket ...Dec 17, 2011
