mikepyro

There's solid detail and description here. Glad to see another fan of Let Me In as well, but this really does belong in fanfic. Also, since you obviously enjoyed let ...

the snake metaphor doesn't work for me. It's just one too many metaphors and similes in the piece that it distances me from the piece. The strongest points are lines ...

The roadway flailed beneath me but I did my best --line reads a little akwardly, almost sounds like he's driving than walking see her outline, there, (i'd cut the there, ...

I really enjoyed the way you describe the city, the world, the landscape. I had a few points that threw me off, firstly is davora a hooker as well? If ...

So I’m in North Bend Hospital cleaning out the bed pans of dilapidated grandmas and dropping hunks of near frozen apple sauce into half-comatose patients when—wait, I should probably tell ...

Welll, the emotion of the work does ring true at many points, and though it comes naturally for the piece you manage a good deal of that emotion through your ...

It was a hot day, but it didn’t feel like it. Cool breeze swept through the park, sending leaves of twilight gold to shower the earth. The laughter and cries ...

Well I agree that the piece is rather short and we're never given enough time to truly get to know the character but I think from what we are given ...

not a prude when it comes to language (some of my pieces use a fair f word) but to me the cursing felt totally out of place with this work. ...

Thank you but your story is not my story and you need to review my work based on its qualities and failings, not your works.

For your age, this is a decent piecce. You spend far too much time focused on telling rather than showing "he did this, he looked like this". Simply telling us ...

This is a pretty nice piece, personal, but not overly so, and emotional without being over the top or familiar. You made it your own, really. I do find that ...

Please, if you're reviewing this don't just say 'I found some grammar/typo errors (there are no typos) without stating what they are. I'm strict on grammar and I wanna fix ...

A very old poem of mine from when I was 15, a tribute to the passage Song of Solomon, possibly the most breathtaking lines of prose within the Bible. In ...

While the piece takes a moment to pull the reader in there's a depth hidden beneath the lines that really kept me reading. The sudden burst of motion and life ...