mikedb1492

Thank you all for your critiques with this, and I'm happy you enjoyed it. I couldn't be happier with the result. And I'm happy my writing could help you, Stolenhearts. ...

Thanks for the reviews. And I understand what you're saying about the ending completely, Chocoholic. It was kind of a last minute addition that I thought would be fun, although, ...

I just thought of something. Have you ever read the manga .Hack: Legend of Twilight? Because there are a lot of similarities. 1: The two main characters are brother and ...

Alright, I think I fixed what you said, but the main reason I'm posting is to say that I also added a little bit to tell what Niles is actually ...

Thanks for the reviews so far. You both made good points, and I hope I fixed everything. The biggest change was the flashback story. I also added a few things ...

The man had barely had thirty seconds to rest when he heard a loud BOOM from behind him. He turned quickly to see a man behind him with knees bent ...

Not bad. It wasn't great or anything, but it flowed well, was easy to read, and was comically pleasing. Overall I'm glad I read it.

I liked it. I think 'the whole world's gone to hell' concept that's shown is pretty cool, and I think that when combined with the other parts of your story ...

Thanks for the reviews everyone. Yah, I had a bad feeling about that beginning. I knew that this prologue had little or no action, so I wanted to somehow make ...

This was okay with decent descriptions, but it didn't seem to have much point. And I don't think a jedi, or former jedi, would encourage people to try using his ...

He felt a strange trill of power as the wand recognised a new owner and... I actually think 'trill' works well enough here. Great job. Very action filled, and your ...

Barbie girl. Why was it made? The answer is plane and simple. Satan thought one day, how can I make earth worse? The answer, Barbie Girl. That's right kids, Satan ...

sorry. double post.

Okay, I fixed what you said, and to answer your question, yes. My previous chapter one will return in this story, or it should, but it will be slightly edited ...

Wow, well done. I really liked this and can't give much advise at all. It flows well and doesn't have any grammatical mistakes. Overall, I liked it (especially the ending ...