mikedb1492

I liked this one. It was also interesting to read it in such a newspaper-like format. It felt like a very real article, to me, but then again I don't ...

This was pretty good. Although it wasn't that long, It seems like an interesting beginning to a fantasy story. The only thing I really have to say is that I ...

Even if you wrote this before we reviewed the previous chapter, you should still go back through it and modify it so it's as good as it can be. Just ...

Looking into the mirror he could see his character wearing leather armor that consisted of a vest, gloves and boots. I wouldn't say 'that consisted of'. You just don't see ...

You know, I was just thinking about how every time I go into the historical fiction section, there's always something about WW1 or 2, something from colonial times, or whatever. ...

Below, when the first drop hit, the precious ducks of Mallard looked around. Deciding whither or not it would be safe to stay out. You need a comma after 'around', ...

First off, I agree with the others when they say not to use 'walking the plank'. One, because it's a cliche. Two, because it actually never was a pirate punishment. ...

I did kiss him, after all. But, we’re interrupted. By the constant chatter of those who fought and lost someone or several someones. The contraction we're means we are. So ...

If it were up to her she’s grab a You need she'd not she's. Other than that I just have to say you told me more than you showed me. ...

Okay, not bad. The main problem you had was that you didn't describe anyone or anything. You just told us what happened. Also, even though the abbreviations like 'cya' and ...

She wore a green and red nylon suit, and here hair was disorderly. While you're at it throw in her hair color. Just for that little extra. I might even ...

Like the other people said, the first paragraph was pretty iffy, and this could become an interesting story. Sorry I can't give you much advice, but it was pretty short. ...

"I do not understand child...Lord Armas wishes to speak with you - you've been selected as our Champion for the Tournament...I fail to see any flaws in such a miracle ...

I think this was really good. Your description were nice and I felt uncomfortable when you talked about the bugs crawling into them (Ever since I saw that bug pit ...

It seems like forever until they finally reach the moose and (the wolf that was in head of the other) leaps out at it with his claws outstretched and his ...