lizik2424

Introduction I have noticed that many Christians think of themselves as, I guess, better than everyone else. Being Jewish, I find this a little offensive, and I’m not one of ...

This is quite good! There's no explanation or anything; it just gets right into it. But it's still understandable, so that just allows the reader to decide for theselves who ...

I agree with everyone else: this is amazing. The second-person really fits, and the descriptions are good. Maybe add a few more about the girl and the setting. Also, how ...

Good story! It's really exciting. Readers will definitely not want to stop because the beginning is too boring. But maybe give a little more of a background, because it's confusing. ...

I really like your beginning. Your descriptions make it seem as if I was actually in Israel, and they seemed pretty accurate. A couple questions, though. How did Sariah get ...

Chapter One “One second, mother!” “Come on! We’ve been waiting for an hour. Your grandparents are wondering why you aren’t coming to them.” “Tell them I’m doing my math homework.” ...

Keep going! Original concept! But shall I shed mercy, or not? We'll see. Muahahahaha! First of all, I have portfolios for English class, and the one we're working on now ...

Nice environmental story. It is a story, right? The whole preface thing? So I agree with mikedb1492 about the fake grass and the paragraphs. In one of my stories, I ...

Interesting beginning. As mentioned by Haruno Sakura, if you want people to read and review on your work, there are two things you have to work on. 1) Use better ...

Cool idea! I like the lack of introduction, but you should introduce everyone later in some interesting way (not this person was thins...), so the reader wouldn't be confused. Also, ...

Chapter Two Madeline can’t think normally all day. This is alright, because no one else can either. Just not for the same reason. It’s just that the orphanage inspector comes. ...

I try to subtly explain things, but I don't really know how while still making it interesting. Any suggestions? And yes, Madeline is pretty much the main character. Of course, ...

Evening, Friday, July 3rd Dear Diary, I couldn’t write all month. Jack was just too sick, and of course I had to take care of him. He has a fever ...

Awesome story! Keep writing. There was just enough description. Just a few tips, though. It was a bit annoying that there were no names. Maybe have the girl known to ...

Thanks for the great comments! Everyone seems to be commenting on the style, but I made it so one chapter's like that, another one's third person, and so on. I ...