leebass

Ok, this has potential. But it seems a bit vacant, there's no real substance to the story. Why is she on the road? Why are talons clenching her hair? Who ...

Wow, this is really good. I never even caught on that it was for the contest. You embedded the three elements that well. I couldn't find any mistakes. This is ...

Hi, this is really good. You really get a sense of everything the MC is feeling as he feels it. It ended on a major cliffhanger though. What's going to ...

Hi, yes you should keep going with it. It has a surreal quality to it, like Alice in Wonderland or Coraline, which i like. It doesn't seem like a child's ...

Hi, i couldn't find any mistakes anyway, so no problems there. Is this part of something longer? I know you said 'you'll just have to wait and see' but you ...

Hi, I found one mistake where you put 'hug' instead of 'huge' here: I slithered as quickly as I could, but she had huge legs and hug feet, so she ...

She had noticed that she had just skipped the whole part of how she and her mother were kicked out of the royal house when she was five, almost thirty ...

Hi, this is pretty good. The only thing was that Kimberley Jones appears in the story too suddenly and inexplicably. I think it would be good if she was mentioned ...

There was only two things i noticed. I was painfully shy as a child, and I had never been able to completely rid of all those bad habits. It should ...

Yeah i agree with the reply above. Helping people won't make people like you. People don't always want or need to be helped. You could focus this in another way. ...

This is ok. What's missing in your story is hope, though. It's a bit depressing to read. The moral of the story seems to be: If life's too hard, kill ...

Hi, this is a good start. I think in a preface it's good to have mystery and uncertainty, but i always find it a bit annoying when something is just ...

The Burning World of Grass My world is burning. I can feel the heat radiating from the trees that were once my benevolent friends. Now, (unnecessary comma) they are vicious ...

I couldn't find any mistakes, so good job on that. I liked this. It's pleasant to read, and i like the whole tone of it; sad but sweet. I'm afraid ...

Hi, haven't got much to add. Just that you handled the story well and the MC's emotions really come across. I like the fact he is looking back on his ...