kshsj777

I think this script is a lot funnier than your other one. "Lizzy: You'd shoot an innocent unarmed woman? Jasper: Yep, you're a witness. To the attempted robbery. (Lizzy reaches ...

I liked it. I didn't realize they were in the library until halfway through the scene. Also why would Lord Kieran be forced to reliquish his title if the only ...

I loved them. They were so funny!!!!!! Especially the part about Kingdom Hearts. I just HATE Kingdom Hearts!!! One mistake I noticed in the first story: "with every once of ...

First of all, the scenes are too short and to be honest, not very realistic. You need more description of the events. Felipe doesn't seem real at all. One minute ...

It's interesting but it's too short. I think you shoul write some more, and make it longer. And by the way I'm crazy about French, though I knew what maitre ...

When I started reading it, I got the impression that Alyssana was some sort of spoiled princess or something. I don't know if she's supposed to be good or bad. ...

I think it would be better if you worked the personal note about the "kick" into the main story. Show what happens to Ada next, like her getting her superpowers, ...

I'm not sure it makes sense for Wynn to leave him when he's bleeding so badly. Some things I noticed with dialogue: "Hey," I said," how do you know that ...

I liked Chapter two. It's kinda short though. It did seem a bit too soon for Forte to attack Sonata. Why does he care what she did? Melody is from ...