krazykoreandevil

wow, thanks. i wouldn't have noticed my repetition of those words. Thanks a lot! and if ya'll like this first one, i might put up the second chapter... which is ...

GODZ! if i you don't write more, i don't know what i'll do! WRITE! PLAN! WRITE!

OK! i delted and edited it...LOOK UP!

OK THNX! EDITED VERSION: zomg..i edited it, but my cp froze and it somehow got delted... weird... well here it is.... URN slowly opened his eyes, and groaned as he ...

this was intense and...very...violent. 0.0 well written but not my particular type. Violent man, this mark. well done job, kudos to you!

chapter 5...

chapter 5 and 6 are written by my friend, will post it when he gets around to giving me my jump drive -.-

ugh, sara beat me to the editing... :( good job with that xD besides that, the vocab is quite good. you kept a nice pace, and the tone of it ...

hmm... sara is right, story does seem kinda cliche. other than that, i'll have to get around to reading it. you should expect a critique from me soon ;)

hahhaa i know... i will make it happen. my friend is currently writing half the 5th chapter and i'm going to write the other half and edit it. but thanks ...

good description and well paced. 1 major problem that's not too major. comma in between two adjectives. ;) It was a beautiful dawn. The morning sun was drifting up lazily ...

ok, my friend an i like to write and we're writing a story together. i understand if u guys or gals don't want to read it all...cause it's at the ...

umm...good story i think. is it a novel? because if it is... well... it's very fast paced, a little too fast. things are going way too fast if it's going ...

overall excellent story. The first chapter is kinda short however. The first chapter is filled with wonderous description, but some gramatical mistakes. Marty, Chases oldest brother ran up to him. ...

don't want to sound like i'm being mean, cause i'm not the greatest writer as well, but the story was pretty boring in the begening. there was no real hook ...