kite-fold

Yoiu've got something here that could be quite nice and open rhythmically...almost like song lyrics. i'm not a very good writer but here's my suggestion. you have to be careful ...

this is actually pretty nice. i like the spoken word feel of it. reminds me of a post-core musician/lyricist i listen to. your rhythm changes are cool too. it's free ...

this is nice. i like how warm it makes me feel. i also think that your character's descriptions of visual scenes were very creative and genuine. you didn't get cliched ...