kayles

Love the idea, very original! Some spelling mistakes, but no major criticisms. Can't wait to read on!

This piece is a lot stronger for the revision, nice job!

The humour's really good, interesting idea! No major problems, although its spelt Osama bin Laden :)

Great piece, the imagery and characterization are excellent! But like some of the previous critiques mentioned, its hard to know what's going on - are you planning on working on ...

I really like this piece, the fable hidden within it is pretty relevant in modern society. Well done! Just remember to proof-read your work :)

This is a really good piece, but the only thing that really nagged me was the fact that the funeral is on the day following the murder - this kind ...

You've captured Zack's point of view really well, well done! Can't wait to read more of it, its a great start!

Its a good beginning with a lot of potential, some great rhetorical questions in there. It really sets the scene for a story with a lot of reflective thought involved ...

Hehe I like this story, its so sweet! The character and voice is excellent, and the imagery is good too. Great work!

I like the effect of pure dialogue, and the piece has great narrative drive! But the doctor's character seems a little idiotic to me, bigoted perhaps, is this intended?

Good piece - love the idea - some spelling and grammatical errors that drag it down a little, and the section about Sara's relationship with her mother is a little ...

This is a very strong and evocative piece, very well written! There's a strong narrative drive and the voice is excellent. Some spelling mistakes, and the situation with the boy ...

Love this idea, but it doesn't quite feel finished. You could elaborate on Henry's childhood to strengthen the emotional impact - this piece has a lot of potential!