jord

WOW! that is all i can say for now. i am totally awestruck!!

pace

Chapter 3 Telli regained consciousness slowly, becoming aware of the sound of running water, then of flickering light around him. He could sense that he was lying on his back ...

thanks to everyone who has critiqued, i will take everything in and edit it when i have time.

personally i think it is a bit too far - fetched but that is just my opinion, if it is your type of story KEEP WRITING because someone will like ...

fairly good, but i think it needs a lot of description putting in.

Brilliant, i really enjoyed it! Are you going to carry on writing this story as i would really enjoy reading the end and finding out how it ends up. You ...

i really enjoyed reading this, it was very imaginative. I really think you need to set the scene more as there isnt much that describes it. although this can sometimes ...

THANKS RODENT, I REALLY APPRECIATE THESE COMMENTS. I WILL TAKE ON BOARD WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AND I WILL EDIT IT ACCORDINGLY.

PLEASE READ THIS AND CRITIQUE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, I REALLY WANT THIS STORY TO WORK.

Chapter 2 The huge peaks of the White Mountains were turning slowly orange with the setting sun, and the sky was changing colour from a light blue to an eerie, ...

wow this is really amazing, are you going to carry on and write the rest of the story because i cant wait to read on. I thought the names were ...

fantastic, extremely witty and funny cant wait to read more

i would also like to say that i totally agree with everything darklight said.

i thought this was really good. usually i dont read posts by girls, because i dont enjoy them. but this one was very different. after reading the first paragraph i ...