inthebeginning

Okay so I only read the start of this and I couldn't read any more. I'm sorry if this is going to sound harsh, but I have to say it. ...

Okay so as the others said, this is a lot of information and I did get a bit lost, but to be honest I thought it was okay overall. I ...

Okay I wish I could say something nice about this, but to be honest I thought this was very ordinary. Your writing style is all over the place, and to ...

Wow, that was amazing. I'm not going to pick up on grammar or anything like that, because I figure a) You don't care and b) You've probably already found the ...

Okay so I'm not going to nitpick on grammar etc. since the people above me seem to have doen that effectively, or at least i hope so! However, I'm just ...

Okay so this has a rather interesting storyline, however I felt like towards the end it was a bit rushed. You started saying things matter-of-factly. Like when her mother was ...

Okay so to start off you really need to re-read this and fix all the mistakes. I can't really be bothered pointing all them out, but there are a lot! ...

Okay so to be totally honest with you I think this story needs a lot of work to make sure it fulfils its potential. First things first, if I were ...

Okay so I like the overall feel of this, especially the eye colour thing! However, there were a few things that I would fix up to make it sound smoother ...