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Re: It was just one night.
it isn't actually supposed to be a rhyming poem and any rhyme done was not supposed to have an effect at all, but thanks anyway :) also the lack of ...
Mar 13, 2011 -
Re: Intimacy
I really don't think that you should make it more obvious that its a guy or mention his name. I think its obvious to the people who are actually paying ...
Mar 13, 2011 -
Re: It was just one night.
hey, I'm a little out of practice so please be brutal :) I clench my fists Tight, As you whisper my new name ‘Bitch’ It was just one night I ...
Mar 13, 2011 -
Re: Tomorrow
I'm not going to lie, i got a bit lost in that poem. The title doesn't give much away (which is fine) but neither did the actual poem so i'm ...
Mar 13, 2011 -
Re: Autmn Leaves
Ummmm, that whole 'i love you very much' was not obvious at all, took me awhile to find it haha. Anyway, back to the poem. I really loved it. It ...
Mar 13, 2011 -
Re: When I found You
hey, i really liked the theme of this poem, i think its really rather sweet. But i do agree with the other two critiques, the rhyming and flow of it ...
Mar 13, 2011 -
Re: ode to my bed
A feeling I cannot replace Is the love I find in the space Of your unbreakable embrace My love. And when life drives us apart, Loneliness enters my heart, A ...
Apr 2, 2010 -
Re: Autumn time
hey, this is a short poem i wrote a few days ago, i was planning on adding to it, but im not quite sure what to do yet, so i ...
Jun 20, 2009 -
Re: Love?
I wrote this on a whim, it is very unpolished and any constructive criticism is greatly needed, I just don't know what to correct to make it better, however, i ...
Feb 2, 2009 -
Re: The Strangest Hero EDIT: more added
I liked this, it was good, you kept the storyline progressing well and it was well written. I have a few issues though, the last dramatic speech bit didn't really ...
Jan 21, 2009 -
Re: The Vampires Kiss (Part 4)
HI!!! ive read all of your chapters so far and am enjoying them greatly. Anyway, a few pointers, the huge chunk of writin in the middle needs to be split ...
Nov 27, 2008 -
Re: Tree-Climbing
right, i'am back. Ok so your poem is really great. really. I loved the last stanza, 9th stanza and 6th stanza best because they flow so well and are worded ...
Oct 19, 2008 -
Re: Tree-Climbing
I loved this so i gave u a star! Enjoy. You told us the story so well. I loved it and to think you are only 13! As your senior ...
Oct 19, 2008 -
Re: That guy!
Ok so i have a few things to point out. You start with a stanza that doesn't rhyme but then in the next two it does. I think you need ...
Oct 19, 2008
