hi-mi-tsu

You act like I'm nothing Call me in just to put me down Treat me like I can't hear you Like I can't hear you. You act like I'm invisible ...

Well, I still like it. XD But the ending feels better to me now.

Wow. This is beautiful. I can't find anything wrong with it.

I can't...quite...decide whether or not I like this. It's well-written, though, and I think the profanity fits.

Thanks!! This was my first experiment with combined words. I'm glad you like it.

I think it might have been more the fact that it felt like you were reaching to find something that rhymed than the actual word itself that bothered me. It ...

laughter sweetly colours the air, scattering abundant clouds I adore this line. It makes me think of the innocent laughter of small children and how it can always make you ...

I really love the imagery in this. However, the fourth stanza feels a little out of place...I can't really tell you why, it just feels like the rhythm's off when ...

you sit on the veranda the scent of lilacs fills the air a cigarette dangles from your lips your hands play with no thought no control, just movement like water ...

The capitalization of each word makes the poem feel very jerky to me, as if there isn't really a rhythm at all. It was a nice concept, buut it needs ...

For me, the tune to this song is something that's very hard to create. I keep switching back and forth between emotive instruments. And should it be low, or high, ...

I agree. While the idea behind this was excellent, there needs to be a progression showing that the little girl being spoken about is the inner child (at least I ...

This is the first version of a song I wrote about my dad. He died two and a half years ago. Spinning circles of light Behind my eyes before my ...

Nice. I can't help but feel like the expletive took away from the imagery, though. Overall, however, this is a very good piece.

I really love this. Since I do essay revisionism A LOT, it makes perfect sense XD. I like the edit better, it seems a lot clearer and more...dare I say ...