helpless42

hey its got a good story line. but seeing as I am the daughter of a mortition (funeral directer) I could not help but point out some facts. first if ...

really good, I like it a lot. I only have one sugestion, you do use a lot or descriptive words. try to tone it down, like when describing his eyes, ...

The wing stung her eyes as she tried to make it though. The house wasn’t more than one hundred feet away but because of the way the wind was blowing, ...

well see the reason I didnt do my homework is because first I was baby sitting, then I had to run to go get milk. on the way to the ...

just write down all the funny words you can think of, some you made up and others you thin sound wierd, like scarf, say it over and over, scarf, scarf, ...

NAME: Mallory stealiy (Star Foges) AGE: 14 HEIGHT: 5'6 DESCRIPTION: she is silent but deadly. she can controll the weather and her hair changes colors with her mood. she has ...

this takes place in a time that never really exsited. woman were alway treated equally and this is before all the times or cars and what not. She was raised ...

Name-Mallory age-14 race-Elf gender-female allence-Magic description- dark haired, blue eyed, 5'6. personality-she has a trick up her sleve at all times, sometimes (mostly) they backfire. she nver giv