greenjay

Thank you both for the suggestions! I appreciate the input, and I made some touchups accordingly. I think Jaemel's exit is a clearer now thanks to your note Jenthura. As ...

I am sorry for my inappropriate comment, there. Indeed there is "junk" on this site--it's just natural--but I implied that most is junk, which is not necessarily true. But like ...

Hey, thanks! To be honest I did this for a creative writing class and had a limit of time and words, but I could extend it now that it is ...

P.S. That creature ROCKS! I love that idea...sounds kind of like a shade but cooler and bigger! You're a genius. -GJ

Aww...isn't that cute...........you didn't spell anything wrong....looks like you've stumped me again, I got nothin'. Good job. And so I end, -Me

Weelll, att lest u gayve mi sumthing 2 kerect :D. -grene jey

Haha! This is a good chapter :D. Great job! -Me

Got nothin' to say but goodjob! -the bane of all blue jays

:( Sorry! Wish you could post...I have that same problem...I'm not sure if I should keep posting... -GJ

Good job. I actually didn't find anything to critque, but I would say that it would be easier if you posted the story in different sections...that's just my thought. -GJ

Coolness...I don't really have any suggestions. But it's good. -GJ

Err...um... :oops: ...I forgot to add in the footnotes...Now you can figure out what on earth a Dugon is :P. Philip, Johnny, and their family are Tors, the creatures with ...

Thanks everyone! I did some editing so it should be better now :D. I revised the first paragraph some, and I actually like it now :P. Anyway thanks! More crits ...

Good...That's about all I can think to say :P. -GJ

I did a little bit of editing here. I think I fixed the old English/modern dialog thing, and I fixed up some other things too. -greenjay