graveyard_dream

i really enjoyed reading that, didn't study it in depth so i didn't detect any errors. but can't wait to read more.

great poem, i can really relate. i like the effect of [i]'[u]Searching, wanting, indulging [/u]in the naiveté of my youth' [/i] the rythmn is like someone is chewing/ taking bites ...

no, i was refering to the dreams, it is saying that the dreams themselves died, not the person.

[quote="janice"][i]Petrified. Those lids refuse to close Perhaps, they will cease to open once more?[/i] One small thing, you contradict "refuse to close" with the phrase"cease to open". If possible,

[quote="BlackDaisy"]Yeah, it is really good. The only thing that confused me was in the second stanza the first line says "dreams of flying" and then the last line "has now, ...

Petrified. Those lids refuse to close Perhaps, they will cease to open once more? I’m I beholding my final scenery of life? Soon to become another haunting memory floating between ...

i think it is too structured, try scattering the words across the page, let the layout help tell the story.

great poem, very descriptive and good imagery. I quite like the use of 'cherry lipstick' in the first stanza, as cherry sounds innocent and sweet, but it is also a ...