graesch666

So, is this going to be the very beginning of some larger story, as I believe you said ? If it really is the case, then, maybe, you should try ...

I'm also glad you changed it. Way better now ^^ I just found one sentence really weird : Is it the age of discovery, between the ages of stupidity and ...

As for me, the whole thing with the lunchbox truly adds something, I think. It creates an interesting discrepancy with the rest of the chapter, some kind of a "comical" ...

I'm an atheist, so I don't really care what you think of God. But still, you could make your moral a bit less "preachy". And above all, try to make ...

The ending felt almost like those little sayings you get in fortune cookies. Yeah, you've put your finger right on it ! I love you. ^^

Vache Qui Rit powaaaaaaaaaaaa !!! "Tout le monde aime la Vache Qui Rit, parce que la Vache Qui Rit fait meuuuuuh !" Sorry, it reminded me of the ad slogan. ...

Sad, truly. It began so well, so promising. And then this sentence, arriving like the yelling of an alarm clock waking you out of an erotic dream : "Because God ...

Well, I don't understand what's so difficult to get. He's eating and remembering things. It's not nonsensical. Oh, so there was no need to go and look further, eventually. I ...

Each of the policemen had their guns drawn – ready to shoot, expecting a struggle – and the lieutenant was holding a photograph. This needs some review. I would delete ...

With any hope, the new album will blow everything out of the water, ja? Hopefully. But what will be left for us to drink then ? (haha, hum) Your English ...

Alas, I'm always incapable of making a helpful and pertinent critique when I love something. Thus, my only words will be : I want to read what comes next. And ...

I read it. Then I took the time to chew on it. Then I read it again, so as to attempt to grasp it better. Unsuccessfully. I'm usually fond of ...

Claudette, do never take up Korean then ^^° They have three levels of speech depending on who you're talking to, each one modifying the verbs, the pronouns, and even the ...

You're welcome. But isn't it wonderful ? You managed to write a story that can be taken in two different ways without even wanting to. Perhaps you should pretend you ...

Well, I think it's a bit of a pity that you don't add the stage direction directly, but your story grabed my attention though. I can't judge the whole play ...