ellisjay

Not sure what the other's wrote, so I may be doubling up. You're writing in a first person omniscient ? First person doesn't know it will be the most adventurous ...

The first pages of your story need questions. Questions that readers will turn pages for to find answers. We have a character on her way to Darwin (Nice to see ...

My first suggestion would be to re-write this prologue. It is interesting but I think that experimenting with the structure of bits of information, you could find a much smoother ...

If this is your first chapter, don't tell us about your world. Show us. I'd suggest, take this detailed information and work it into an exciting scene. In late, out ...