dreamintechnicolour

I really liked this. It was powerfully written and you have an amazing way with the second person (which most people can't do). Just a few little things which I ...

Gah! All my extremely intelligent points that I'd jotted down have already been taken!! Uhhhhh... Just in this sentence: so tight it felt like he would never let go. And ...

Her soul was confined to a dark prison of black eyeliner, guarded by spikes of mascara. Always the same; she wore loose fitting black jeans and a tight black top, ...

I donated 5 days ago... still no critique......

Someone who doesn't listen to precautionary notices... Who thinks she is invincible. losertastic toaster

I love this so much!!! I actually read All Babies Are Blessings first, which kinda ruined the element of mystery for me...But I would have read through this even so... ...

I think of a little child, in summer vacation, playing jump rope in her neighbourhood with her friends waiting for the icecream truck. dreamintechnicolour

"Was" Was should be taken out the back and shot. Twice. Just to be sure. Was is so passive. It distances the reader from the action and it shows that ...

Century Gothic for LIFE. I can't use anything else...

Yeah, I get it, New Zealand politics is hardly a big deal on the world stage, but it's a big deal to those of us who have to live with ...

If I was an American who could vote, McCain would get my vote. Without a doubt. I will cry real tears if obama wins. REAL TEARS. And that is a ...

I think the media portrays us in a terrible way! All it ever is is girls getting pregnant, on drugs, drinking underage, doing bad things on the internet blah blah. ...

No one in my family marries outside our race. Like, ever. No one in my bloodline has. I don't know how my family would react... I guess they'd be ok ...

awww, I like it... I think it's sweet. The lines would benefit from being like this, however,: Friend: let me say first that I am sorry. I am sorry, because ...

Beautiful, beautiful work.I really can't see anything that requires editing. An absolutely perfect piece!! Amazing imagery, chilling description. I wasn't even consciously reading it, it just seemed t