deleted1

Aww its sad ;-; Reminds me about the immortal cat story.

A lot of dialog, very little describing. Personally I'd love to know how he tripped as he fell, and not he tripped and then after the reaction find he was ...

Yes they are. I thought that saying that they would be pulling the carriage is bit awkward and insulting to the reader as the only subject in the entire paragraph ...

This story is my current work and it is very far into it. This story is very complex and has a lot of hidden meanings and notes within. Hope you ...

The clarity of the flashback is shocking and destroys much of the wonder. This was also discussed in the prologue for the most part, why do we need to see ...

More open and unanswered questions. Unicorns, volcanos with insane heat, magic, people who talk for no reason in awkward sentance structure. No basis or developement of Blaine and Luna (again ...

Weak sentances and more fluff at the beginning. Change in view is just too quick. Why in the world are we not being let in on why people know of ...

A good piece suffering from bad word choice, poor development and this appears to be no more then a fragment of what your last chapter covered. Albeit better, its inconsistant ...

I just lost about 90% of my interest in the story. It was beyond rushed, and you broke a few key rules. Grammar, word choice and what seemed to be ...

Did I just start a trend of criticism for once? Going against a tide of good reviews and actually being recognized as having valid points is something new for me. ...

A few points take shot at the story's greatness, that is giving name and awkward use. The use of them when not needed is cliche and a bit detracting from ...

Horribly cliche and good at the same time. Interesting and unique, but at the same time...cliche! Hehe...dunno how to say that it is anything different (not bad), but just so ...

Looks very good, but same matches up with other reviewer's comments here. The very last sentance is weak and sounds like something a narrator would say, I'd change it to ...

Very nice, but dialogue heavy. I would have loved more then a few brief comments about the setting. Also one key point really irks me: "There were lights dispersed every ...

Many people like to write without distraction or anything bothering them, focusing their thoughts or something comes better to them that way? Well I disagree, I personally love and put ...