cjaques

Personally I like your poem. I like how you picked something to represent a person or thing. The flow was a little off when I was reading it, but still ...

I like how you keep saying fade away throughout the "poem" its way cool. keep writing.

I agree it could've been better with a little more description, but when you noted toward the end it was for Jake, or at least im guessing, it seemed real.

Shaking hands and desperate sighs, Listen to my scream of screams, Your life and mine the fear of fears, Take my hand dont let me be. The touch of sight ...

Like many other people have kindly pointed out, the beginning of your poem is a turn-off. What I really liked was the true personality to it, you must have put ...

I really like the flow and mood of your writing. I think it will relate well with most, if not all readers. It could use some essence, start something to ...