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charcoalspacewolfman

  • Short Story » General, Satire
    Re: Gemini

    I was slightly confused initially about this. It's told in omniscient viewpoint, for the most part, which is kinda weird because it's also from the viewpoint of the neighbors. By ...

    Jun 24, 2012

  • Short Story » General, General
    Re: Charms

    So for practically the first time ever I noticed that the setting helps your characterization. It's cool out, for one, and that reflects your character's feelings. Also she's under a ...

    Dec 17, 2011

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: Secret Bombs

    OK, so first of all, I think it ended a bit abruptly, even for ending at the point that it did. You sound like you were going to say more ...

    Dec 17, 2011

  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General
    Re: The In-Laws

    Well, I’m not sure why people thinks this is cliche, though I must say it’s a little underdone. The part about vomiting, for instance. To me, this says that she’s ...

    Nov 12, 2011

  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General
    Re: Held Captive (Queen of the Robots Chapter 1)

    OK, first thing I noticed here is that you kind of abused the ellipsis (...) and your story lacked some of the useful formatting like italics. Italics are particularly useful ...

    Aug 27, 2011

  • Short Story » General, General
    Re: Walk To Remember

    I’ve always thought that color associations were interesting. Like how something can feel like magenta or grey or something like that, so it was enjoyable reading the description of the ...

    Aug 27, 2011

  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General
    Re: [Title Pending] Chapter Two

    OK, so before I begin my review I’d like to start by saying it is not a particularly good review. I hate your characters. Pretty much all of them are ...

    Aug 27, 2011

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: Everytime he smiles

    So I thought it was incredibly cheesy. The ending was unbelievably happy and I actually thought (perhaps cruelly) that it would just end with her waking up from a lovely ...

    Aug 27, 2011

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: Bunny Fluffy

    I think there needs to be a bit more fleshing out. you don't have a lot of feeling in this piece, and it's all told in a sort of flat, ...

    Aug 21, 2011

  • Novel / Chapter » Historical Fiction, General
    Re: The Ice Queen(re-vised and re-written)

    Hello, welcome to the site! Alright, as for placing, I don't think it matters too much where you put it and Action/adventure seems to fit it particularly well so far. ...

    Aug 15, 2011

  • Novel / Chapter » General, General
    Re: The Massiveness of How Sad It Is to Want Someone (1)

    I hate you. You wrote a halfway decent slice of a story (no offense, but I'm probably not going to read more when you write because I'm a jerk like ...

    Aug 4, 2011

  • Short Story » Fantasy, General
    Re: [Undecided title]

    Let's talk about dangling modifiers. Apparently, Darkheart's heart is as dark as his sword. It is also as deadly as his sword. So much so that, like his sword, it ...

    Jul 31, 2011

  • Short Story » Fantasy, General
    Re: The scarlet mage

    So the premise of your story isn't bad; deception, violence and evil people is always interesting to read about; but your execution is a tad unnatural. It moves at such ...

    Jul 25, 2011

  • Novel / Chapter » General, General
    Re: Not As They Seem chapt. 4

    JUST KILL THE FLIPPING CAT!!! Sorry. I actually like cats and, indeed, their total disregard in movies and mindless slaughter in books and by witches is a touching concern. However, ...

    Jun 30, 2011

  • Short Story » Fantasy, General
    Re: Watching the River go by: A Vampire Diary

    Hm, weird that your character speaks only in the third person. If I were to receive this letter, I'd wonder what the heck this gal was trying to say, since ...

    Jun 29, 2011


If a story is in you, it has to come out.
— William Faulkner