carbonCore

Csel - Party 2 "I am to ride a horse?" I said, to no one in particular. The flatland prairie beasts held little love for me, and I for them. ...

It was dark and rainy the morning that started my adventures. [You don't need this, the next sentence is much stronger as a beginning sentence] It was a S aturday ...

//Well, my party isn't leaving yet, but I might as well walk around and get to know people.// Csel So many people coming right out of nowhere. Minutes ago, all ...

Chapter 3 The smell of roasting deer meat filled Amberose’s den. The den itself was an interesting place. [Make it interesting through images and description rather than having us take ...

Csel A drylander. "Does it?" I said quietly. No need for shouting when no one else is around, such labour is offensive to the ear. Clouds are water and air, ...

Csel Cold. Bitter cold. I heaved myself out of the shallow grave the village folk threw me into. I wasn't worthy of a proper drylander's burial, they said. Not that ...

Chapter 1 The darkness of the night was split only by the pale light of the moon hidden in the cloud bank. [I suggest you don't start your story with ...

Stela, you'd make a really good troll. :) I will not go on a huge tirade about how wrong you are, since you've repeatedly stated not to take this post ...

Name: Csel Age: 38 Gender: Male Race: Elf Magic User or Non-Magic User: Magic user Element: Earth Appearance: Csel sets off every radar when he enters the room. Wears old ...

Speaking of which, Tiger, you still haven't PMed me the race backgrounds, although you said you would a while ago. ;)

cC here to re-review, as promised! :D A few nitpicks. First off, I'm not sure who this letter is addressing (I know it says "to whom it may concern", but ...

It started, as it usually did, with the snapping of a twig. As it has been a long time since we ran into the Onodama cannibal tribes, I grew comfortable ...

when worries crept out of the crevices in which she’d stuffed them This part sounded a bit awkward to me. “Shut up, human,” Kutho snapped, not looking at her. His ...

I, also!

Sir Dacron pressed his horse on through the rain. Thunder rolled ominously above them. It was not often that Dacron felt fear, but now it had wrapped its iron hand ...