canislupis

Hello again! I noticed that you made some edits and couldn't resist commenting. So, first off, I think this version is better! You're definitly getting closer to organizing your thoughts ...

Hello again! This may be a little short; hope that's ok. Now, I was pleasantly surprised reading this; with the first chapter, I was expecting something futuristic/almost fantasy. Then with ...

And... Part 2! Sorry about this, but I can't figure out why it isn't working. Mods, if you feel like it, feel free to merge. 2. Plot. Don't get me ...

Labelle: Thanks so much! I thought about adding a break between the second-to-last and final woman, but I didn't really want to kill her for whatever reason. I also think ...

Hi everyone! Thanks for your comments. Born/Ish/Joyce: I'm going to work on the confusion and connect the characters a little more (or at least try to) and post an edited ...

Hi again! I don't think it's a problem, and I wouldn't shift to the woman's POV--I like how.... removed, and cold, she seems. I think getting inside her head might ...

Hi Azila! Thank you so much--now you've given me three reviews. >.< I feel bad now. Anyway, again, I agree--and I did try to keep everything the same while cutting ...

Hi Tiger! Thanks so much. I have edited since then, and am now down to 1992 words. :D So thanks! That was very helpful. Just a few things: Clara's Narrative ...

Hi! Sorry I didn't tell you about this. :D I just felt sortof inspired after taling to you last night, and... voila! Anyway, that was a very, very helpful review ...

Hi again! I do think it's much better now. :D Especially the cliched bits--I really like the edits you did. Actually, I did find one thing that I missed last ...

Hi again! I do like the change in POV, since it makes the "she won't remember" bit less awkward. However, there are a few 1st person bits left in--such as ...

Tranur was a prosperous city on a major trade route is best known as the capital of a the human empire. It lay near the center of the world, encircled ...

Grammar first: They had Christians service on a rainy afternoon. He was forty one when he died, I am sixty three, and a woman of my age should never have ...

Hi! I really like the changes you've made. It's much stronger now. :) Since you asked, here is one article I found on character development: 5 Tips And another on ...

Ah, ok. I get the hair imagery more now. :) But it still should be "it's" with an apostrophe, I think. I really did like the idea of this, though. ...