bugbug368

This is a really good chapter. I'm just wondering where the first chapter is. This is a short but snappy piece, and it works really well. Just remember after any ...

Ooh, I do like it. The way you describe the twins, it's really good. And it almost like I know the two girls in person. I didn't find anything that ...

Ok, I want to expand on this now. When a different character speaks, you have to make a new line. This is vital as it can, will, confuse the reader ...

Really good writing you did here. I can't read it all but when I get the chance I will. It seems, so far, really good. The way you have written ...

This is very interesting. I liked it, (sorry if I'm being to picky) but the introduction repeated itself. Like it said about the guy who was checking her out. I ...

Yeah, it would be better if you used quotation marks when people speak, because you don't really know if they're talking or the character is saying something with apostraphes (I ...

Really nice, I do like it. I haven't got to read all of it, because for one, I've seen so many words and for two, I was getting a tad ...

You use the word, 'said', a lot. Now, that can be soooooooooo boring for the reader. They don't know HOW they are saying it. Here are some useful words to ...

There's quite a few mistakes in here. And you may want to go over it and edit it. Try not to rush the conversations, like when the boys are blocking ...

Ugh! Pure amazingness! Love it already! I want the second chapter!!!!!! It's short, but that doesn't matter. It puts you on edge, along with the short but effective sentances, it's ...