brokestarvingwriter

The children smiled as they gathered around their favorite grandpa, Grand Red, as he began to tell them a bed time story. Among I think it's awkward to write among ...

The rhyme and rhythm were very good, especially in the beginning, but then it starts to deteriorate. I would retain the rhyme scheme you had in the beginning, and carry ...

There were minor grammatical errors, and I really think you should take out the part that uses "gay" in a derogatory way. All in all, I liked it though. I ...