booklover

You're telling us some stuff but leaving out the essentials. We need to know more about Charlie & Lana. It is nice that we can get a sense of the ...

This isn't historical fiction; It's more like a summary of a chapter in a textbook. Ways to reword thing are in bold . You might say. You don't need this ...

Sophia got used to this everyday, with barely having no breath. You need to reword this sentence. Try reading your sentences out loud to see if they make sense. Decide ...

Hey, Kat! Check your PM! You aren't a loser!

That was amazing. It made it seem as if you're seeing it. You have talent.

Ok. The plot is interesting, but it seems like Twilight only told from the Vampire's point of view, so work on that. It also seems predictable, except for the "I ...

Mary rested her head on her hands and gazed out the car window, thinking about Trey, and trying to ignore her mother's scolding. Like sun piercing through a fog, her ...

This plot is thrilling. I can't wait for the next chapter! Your character description is very good, but[vivacious teal eyes] sounds a little odd. Most people will never see teal ...

This plot is thrilling. I can't wait for the next chapter! Your character description is very good, but[vivacious teal eyes] sounds a little odd. Most people will never see teal ...

Well, the plot seems interesting. However, there is way too much dialogue and not nearly enough description. I know this is only the first chapter, but you need to let ...