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Re: The Old Clown
thinking lotta how to be known That line doesn't make any sense at all to me. I had to read the poem a few times to really even understand what ...
Oct 15, 2007 -
Re: Nebraska State Senator Sues God
While I think it's amusing and I appreciate the statement he's trying to make, skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians makes me think he also ...
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: A Fleeting Universe
I agree with Suzanne. You have really good imagery, but it doesn't really tie together or convey a meaning to me. The beginning is strong and so is the ending, ...
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: Forever and always.
i didnt read the first one =] Prom night, Jack thought, she’s either going to kill me, or say yes. I hope she says yes. For a first sentence, it ...
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: hiya
HELLO! welcome! I'm new too :]
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: Bleeding for you
I found it a little bit boring, to be honest. It's just kind of plain and simple...which can work, but I guess it just didn't here. And the word choice ...
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: The Girl I Wish I Wasn't
I personally LOVE repetition, but it felt like you had maybe just a teensy bit much. Also the ending was...I guess disappointing? I don't know, I just wanted the girl ...
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: A Love That Could Never Be
I pretty much agree with what everyone else. Flesh it out some, baby! You can make cliche work if you really want, just express it in a new way. Just ...
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: i so hate consequences
Yay Relient K fans! And thanks everyone :] AND gymnast_789, my lyrics are crappy too, but I have fun so that's pretty much all I care about ;]
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: Rain Dance.
I'd stand in the downpour, Until twilight if you asked. Heavy drops of inky-coloured rain, Soaking me to the skin; I should've worn a coat. i kind of want to ...
Oct 13, 2007 -
Re: Revision
I wrote you a letter full of beginnings but everything about love has been said and it felt inadequate to put my heart on the line and receive nothing in ...
Oct 12, 2007 -
Re: i so hate consequences
HELLO! I wanted to make that really big but for some reason it's not working. Anyway, my name is Sarah and I'm currently a freshman at a performing arts school ...
Oct 12, 2007 -
Re: Autumn
The only criticism I would give is a 'shaft of happiness' because to me the poem seems very happyhappyyay and shaft is small [i think!]. But I actually really enjoyed ...
Oct 12, 2007 -
Re: Dyed Red
I feel like you rely on a lot of pretty words in the first two stanzas, rather than conveying a clear and strong message. Pretty words are good, but maybe ...
Oct 12, 2007 -
Re: Please be Seated
What is a chair? A relaxing seat? A dining place? I'm not too sure about the questions, it seems you could use images to demonstrate that you are puzzling over ...
Oct 12, 2007
