bcain

great imagery. i'm serious. i can't decide which lines i like best- they were all superb. keep it up!

i liked it that you kept the train of the girl's thoughts. i think this is better in first person, as third person would have detracted from the intimacy. great ...

I liked it. It was rather different, but that added to the tone of the story. mattie's right, you should post some more. great job. :)

Talk about truth. Your descriptions were very vivid, I could smell the smoke, hear the girls whispering their crushes, and see the guys' expressions as everyone made fun of the ...

A thin, wrinkled woman hobbled into Room 45. She settled herself in the vinyl chair beside the bed. The elderly man didn't look up. Didn't see her, in fact. She ...

great job. It all 'spills' together in keeping with the slow, sluggish tone throughout the poem. :)

Are you really going to care How you died? After you're dead? It doesn't make sense To worry so much. I did. High school, boyfriends, PMS. College, marriage, finances. Cancer, ...

I believe everyone can Have an opinion on the matter. I used to be idealistic and what's called a romantic But that was before. It was quite ironic. I worried ...

i like your title, it makes a person stop and wonder what's up. also, the 'lisp' Cecelia has appears to be a result of her perverted father's abuse and makes ...

I like it too. It's a little obvious why she got sent here, but if she thinks what she did was ok, then it's understandable that she'd talk about it. ...

i'm boredddddddddd too. so is it easier to sharpen your pencil if it's getting dull or just keep writing till it breaks then get a mechanical. i'm boredddddddd :roll:

ouch, thanks, ouch. don't worry, i'll revise. not to sound defensive, but i was trying to make it sound remote, i mean, are you going to care how you died, ...

I need hard, honest critisism,pleeeeeeeez. I believe everyone Can have an opinion on the matter. I used to be idealistic, And what's called a romantic, But that was before. It ...

Way to go! Yippee! I'm feeling a tad envious- you finished your story! Congrats, congrats, congrats! :D

you really have to look for the co-relation between the first and second stanzas. Let it flow naturally, like Mesh says. Maybe use words with the same 'feel' as the ...