aspiringyoungwriter

I liked how you began your story and how you described how the girl was feeling, but once you got to the part when she was crying you wrote: 'Crying, ...

'The Chosen One' is a story I'm currently writing, this is the first chapter in the story. I hope you like it Anyway, thanks for all comments and critiques! *******************************************

Sorry, but i don't really get what's going on. You didn't do a very good job at describing the people(no offense) but i mean, What are these people? Are they ...

Ok, I'm not very good at this but I'm gonna do my best . . . First of all, you shouldn't say 'squealed' it makes them sound like giddy little ...

I think your writing is good but it was kind of confusing, i mean, who are these people? Why are they evil? Why do they want to kill this other ...

Your doing a great job! You had me hooked after the first chapter! Although, you do use a lot of commas sometimes. Well I'm new to reviewing but I think ...

How do you post a story? It's kind of confusing for me.

I was searching the web for places to look for honest criticism on my writing (since my friend just wants to spare my feelings, i'm sure). Then i found this.