Zarhail

Marking this for review, looks like a challenge. You might want to consider splitting it up though, it's quite a commitment and it might be easier to solicit reviews for ...

Thank you so much! I'll work on fixing it but that may take a bit to do a proper rewrite on it. Yeahh... I'm not very good at dialogue and ...

Hard to help that all things considered. Part 2 is less decription and more stuff happening though.

The italics are hard to read? What's wrong with long paragraphs?

I see. Interesting. I wasn't sure whether the actual story might not take place months or years afterward.

fixed I hope

fixed I hope

I'll work on that, there will be a lot of linebreaks. not sure where to put in more dialogue. The issue here is mainly that the narrator is trying to ...

It has been split.

I suppose, yeah. although more linking will then be required.

bias?

Redone, hope it works better, oxygen tank issues should be fixed.

Minor nitpick fixed. I also put in an entire rewrite, hope it's an improvement.

I made an edit and put in both original and rewritten version.