Writersdomain

Ooooh, Les Miserables... :D I'm reading Flame by Hilary Bell It's a strange storyline... and more than a little confusing, but the author is so effective with her short, almost ...

The rhyming did seem a little forced at times, but there were also times when I thought it flowed perfectly. I see potential here, but much room for improvement life's ...

I thought this was very well done, especially your 2nd stanza and ending. The 1st stanza was alright, but didn't catch me as much as your second two stanzas did. ...

As ZanyPlebeain stated, she subject was quite typicel, but I did like this. You're really improving. I still think if you used some stronger verbs, you might have some brilliant ...

As xanthan stated, your rhymes are forced and it doesn't work. Your 3rd line was out of rhyme scheme and you tried to make up for it by rhyming the ...

Okay, I wrote a really long, detailed critique for this and then accidentally deleted it. :x But thankfully, I remembered most of the points I made, so wrote as many ...

My thoughts on this poem echo those above. You have a decent start and I liked the form in which you wrote, but your rhythm was choppy, some of lines ...

I agree with all the comments above. There is potential here, but you need to work on not forcing your rhyming. I felt like you were trying to hard to ...

Firstly, I'd like to forewarn you that I have a bias against suicide poems. Okay, now, this seemed really... normal, resembling all the other suicide poems I've read. You didn't ...

I thought this was very good, very honest as Reichieru said. I just noticed that a few of the lines seemed out of rhythm so just read it over and ...

:( I didn't like this; you didn't tie the scene together to make a powerful point; you just stated your point at the end and left it dangling. The main ...

Every other stanza rhyming bothered me at first, but after reading it a few times, I guess it was alright. It's very different, but not bad. I thought you had ...

The rhyming was really forced and it seriously detracted from the poem. I'm not saying you should avoid rhyming altogether, but if the rhyming is forced, you shouldn't use it. ...

I agree with everything Bob said above. Work on structure. Your rhyme was great. I just noticed a few other things... Taste the sweetness of the juciest fruit It's spelled ...

Short, but powerful. Not astounding, but very nice rhyming and beautiful word choice. There was only one thing that bothered me. it hits like sorrow, guilt, and pain, and drives ...