WinnyWriter

Long story short, make sure you keep your address up to date in the app you use to order pizza.

Llama

Idiots are everywhere.

Unfortunately, squirrels don't have enough of an attention span to spy on people and relay information to the government reliably, so the government then invented jabberjays,

Unfortunately, that meant life was now boring and conspiracy theorists had to find something else besides aliens to go on about.

Unfortunately, the humans took this as passive aggression and fought back with double force, taking out 3/4 of the entire alien population.

I was carrying out some large pieces of scrap metal and one of them scraped me. Why aren't you doing homework right now?

Ooh, gotta say I love the Michael Vey series by Richard Paul Evans! It's a youth semi-scifi series about this kid with electric powers who ends up on all kinds ...

Elegant swords

Disaster is nearly inevitable when your cat gets the zoomies.

The weird thing was that they showed up in an alien spaceship.

Because, didn't you know? It's alien day here, and aliens get to go ahead in the lines. I happen to be an alien. Why did you sneak out of your ...

"May the lice of a thousand camels infest your beard!"

Died they in vain?

Because I have a terrible memory and can never retain any information. Why don't you get offline and go touch grass?