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Re: Escape
I cringe. So much. I wrote this when I was 12 and posted it when I was 14. It was the first piece of writing I ever attempted (they weren't ...
Apr 13, 2011 -
Re: The lost soldier 4
Thanks for the crit Sam :) (especially the scull thing, I guess that's were my not being English comes through :oops: ) The part about her uncle trying to bite ...
Aug 3, 2008 -
Re: The lost soldier 4
Thanks again for all the crit :) This is the last piece so I hope you've enjoyed the story and if you have any suggestions or comments feel free to ...
Aug 1, 2008 -
Re: an extraordinary teenage story
I noticed some of the changes you made and they are better, but I still feel that you can add a lot more detail and description, especially where the characters ...
Jul 16, 2008 -
Re: The lost soldier 3
Thanks again for the crit :) I've started editing the other two pieces but I haven't posted them yet. For now I hope you enjoy this :arrow: A smile formed ...
Jul 11, 2008 -
Re: an extraordinary teenage story
I agree with dianis, you have a good hook and you keep the reader wondering, but maybe a little too much. Add some more description and focus on detail. Try ...
Jul 10, 2008 -
Re: Fatal Choices
First of all, the ghastly stuff is cool and necessary if you're writing crime fiction, so don't worry about it This stoy is well writeen and you create a good ...
Jul 9, 2008 -
Re: The lost soldier 2
Thanks for the previous crit guys :) This part won't make much sense if you didn't read the first part, but I hope this gives the story a bit more ...
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: The "I'm Back" Thread
Hey guys Just wanted to say I'm back. Don't know how I went a year without YWS. I think I suffered from temporary insanity. Anyway hey to everyone :)
Jul 2, 2008 -
Re: The lost soldier 1
The month of August 1943 was one Alyssa would never forget. The air was full of the hazy smell of summer: sweet, cloying, like every flower was fighting for their ...
Jul 1, 2008 -
Re: Albino
Thanks for the crit guys. *waves back at Sam* The guy was based on someone I had seen that day. I didn't get close enough to see if he had ...
Aug 5, 2006 -
Re: Albino
He removed his cap slowly and let the slightly yellowish hair fall over his eyes. I half smiled, half-grimaced. A thin trickle of blood had snaked its way down the ...
Jul 29, 2006 -
Re: The Bar
This is only the beginning of a story: I stepped into the dingy little bar, looking around. Dirty sunlight filtered in through the half open door I’d just come through, ...
Apr 16, 2006 -
Re: Just practising (wanted to know what you thought)
Thanks for replying Jiggy This is kinda the way I write. I write whatever I feel like at the moment, just to write. This was one of those pieces. I ...
Apr 14, 2006 -
Re: Just practising (wanted to know what you thought)
This is just a little piece I wrote when I was bored. It's not the beginning or the end of anything. I haven't posted in a while and I just ...
Apr 5, 2006
