Via

krystalstars, Please read the rules on posting poetry... Thanks.

lexy, Please read the rules on posting poetry... Thanks.

Raw and beautiful I take in a breath of ripe air and slowly release it out through my mouth. The bolded lines. Let's see. They are just....not appealing. Say something ...

Mmkay. The awesome. I little cliche', but awesome all the same. But the poem doesn't seem to have a beginning or an end? It's like reading just the middle of ...

I actually liked the randomness. I think that was well done. But, as expected...I have some issues for you! First and foremost, punctuation is a must. Am I just nothing? ...

I like the content. But to me it seems like your rhythm screams "rhyme!" ...but the poem doesn't rhyme, so that throws me off. That might be just me, though. ...

Please take your work seriously. YWS can help you learn to write very well, but you have to give us something real to work with first. We aren't here to ...

The imagery is good. But I have a few suggestions... is uninterested and absorbed in something far removed from us, from this moment. These three lines read funny...I think it ...

I have to agree with Brad. It's thrown together. You could do so many things with this, though...if you put your mind to it. The end is dramatic, and predictable. ...

The how-to and tutorial articles might just push YWS over to edge and into the 'Totally Awesome' category. Haha. Awesome idea. That will really come in handy! :D

and perhaps 'settings' and 'understand'.... wow.

I'm not quite sure about this, either. I like the idea...but I'm not sure about the poem. I can't even tell you why! It just doesn't sit right with me ...

The idea is sweet. Sweet it is. But honestly, the poem is not. There is no rhythm at all here...reading it you have a hard time staying with it because ...

"Um, hi? How would I know? I'm sleeping?" -Val Do you sleep on a particular side of the bed/in a particular way?

"Gold? It's really not that important. I'd rather have true love and be happy then have gold. Besides, I like silver better." -Cole What jewelry do you always wear?