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Re: Chapter 11.1 (When The Moons Come)
Yo. I'm a little bit confused by Eremia fainting again, but I'll let that slide. This whole scene feels like the kind of thing that will be quickly explained. Technical ...
Sat Jan 06, 2018 4:58 pm -
Re: Chapter 10.3
Yo! I finally pulled myself out of the back-to-school blues, and here I am to review. Technical Comments: 1. You probably don't want to open the section with the word ...
Sat Jan 06, 2018 6:50 am -
Re: Umbrella Spells:Chapter Two
Wow okay. So the name Peter has definitely popped up before, and that's a little concerning. But I'll get back to that, I guess. Technical Comments: 1. Since this is ...
Sat Jan 06, 2018 3:10 am -
Re: The Mage and the Immortal Chapter 13
Shame that this stuff is sitting in the GR. Let's go! Technical Comments: 1. I should have mentioned this, but you have some pretty solid dialogue! There's good diversity in ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 11:50 pm -
Re: The Mage and The Immortal Chapter 12
Hello there! I'm back! Let's cut to the chase, yeah? Technical Comments: 1. I think you could benefit from a little more diversity of sentence length. There were times during ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 11:29 pm -
Re: The Mage and The Immortal Chapter 11
Heya! This is Buggie. I'm sorry I haven't read the rest of your story here, but I hope I can help a bit regardless. Technical Comments: 1. So you mention ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 11:07 pm -
Re: Sidewalk Kid -- Chapter 1 -- The Biggest Lie
Heya! It's pretty cool to see a novel floating around with some sports! I actually used to play basketball, but I'm pretty short and can't catch rebounds, so I had ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 7:00 am -
Re: How to Kill What Can't Grow - INTRO + CH1
Hello! This was an interesting read. The 'you' and 'I' thing isn't something I tend to see in long-format literature, so I was intrigued. Technical Comments: It looks like LMAuthor ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 6:22 am -
Re: Broad Endings
Hello and happy Review Day! I'll just jump right in, if that's all right. So, I notice that this is listed as satire, but while I know which cliche you're ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 4:52 am -
Re: Blue Powder Chapter 1.3
Hello! I have returned. Let's just nose dive right in? Technical Comments: 1. Again, a lot of telling here. I know it's a continuation of the worldbuilding you had going ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 3:38 am -
Re: thoughts well-worn
Hello! I don't review poetry all that often, but hopefully I'll spout out at least one or two helpful things. Nitpicks: 1. I find it odd that in the first ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:18 am -
Re: Blue Powder Chapter 1.2
Oof, sorry I didn't get to this sooner! I was caught up in exams, and then winter festivities, and then I saw 1.3 in the Green Room and remembered to ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 1:57 am -
Re: Umbrella Spells:Chapter One
Oh, but past midnight is the best time for heart-to-hearts. Silly Max. Happy review day, ellasnotebook! Let's get down to business, shall we? Technical Comments: 1. Ugh I love indentation. ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 1:32 am -
Re: Had You Been an Adonis
Hey there Radrook! I don't review poetry a whole lot, but I'm aiming for blue star #1, and the title of this piece totally grabbed my attention. I hope I ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:55 am -
Re: Thunderfleece Ch-1 – Padlocked Pandemonium
To be fair to Twynk, herbivorous teeth are in fact designed for crushing. Carnivorous teeth are designed for tearing. I've changed the review scheme a little bit since I last ...
Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:32 am
