Twit

Oh! The beginning of Romance! KAHBLAM!! *coughcoughcough* Good chapter, and there were only a few things I noted, which were mainly grammatical. Peter, Susan, and Lucy, along with the beavers, ...

"D'oh! It'll be boring without you, Tannar." ~The Raven "And the rest of you all as well." ~Kit "Have a good time!" ~Fal. "Prepare responses to all the comments on ...

*turns from Killesha to Kaspar* Moron? Were you introducing yourself, newcomer? Alright then, Moron, hope you enjoy your stay here. Nice as it is to meet you, it's even nicer ...

A lot of this is dialogue, so I'm assuming it's from the film? Even so, the parts with the Watcher, I'm again assuming are your own. That's fine! The dialogue ...

Ooh, odd subject. Is this standing by itself, or what? I didn't get why she's trying to sell the baby...or is that just it, that she's selling it? She looked ...

"What's the matter? Something wrong with that? I think not. *leans forward and stares into Killesha's eyes* Nothing wrong with that at all, is there, wolfie? Cute, sweet , little ...

Everyone else has done the nit pick, and since your edit, sworddance picked out the main things I noticed. I'll just say that I found the whole tree and hour ...

Very nice. As a piece of poetry, I can't crit this, but just reading it, it sounds very nice. And the last line ends it nicely. :D -ST

*Gazes enviously* I need to crit harder. :D

I like making characters. Do you want to make a character, and then I'll crit them and run the Mary-Sue litmus test and all? It's fun - my problem is ...

Another home-schooléd one! Great job on getting in!! Hope it all goes fine! :D -Twit

Well, at least you're good at fanfiction, so don't knock it. I write fanfiction. :razz: What is it you don't think is good in your non-fanfic stories?

Yes, I see what you mean by that. I didn't get that at first, either. This is an example using my own characters: This is telling: Rohsair was a tall ...

I don't why you keep on moaning that you're not a good writer, cos this was very well written. The way you were saying about how you aren't good made ...

Try adding in a similie or a metaphor. Like, paint a picture of your ideas on love. Is it good? Bad? A waste of time? It's nice that you put ...