Twit

Nice! I like the way the light in the sky shows through the clouds - real beautiful, and all pearly-new. :D But the trees were a bit too....tree-y. That is, ...

Ew, gross. Teengae girls aren't really as coarse as this, are they? I admit I'm not exactly a whole-souled admirer of teengage school girls, but they're not this bad, surely? ...

*coughcough* What's a PDF? How does all this work? Squills is a magazine, right? How do I submit my novel? Why is this happening? *has a nervous breakdown*

You really need to get inside Savial's head and describe her thoughts, feelings, emotions and all. Just describing (telling!) isn't enough. Show it! The reader needs to be sympathetic towards ...

You don't think about being correct when speaking. When I speak, I drop my aitchies, gs, ts and ds all over the place, say words in what might pass for ...

Man, Amber's back now, is she? I'm still not sure whether she's being honest, but I s'pose Jamie really needs some support right now. -Twit

Oh this is sad. But I do think that Jamie's mum deserved that. Nyah. Great chapter once again, JC!! -Twit

"Hi Elly. Hi Tammy" ~The Raven " Ya walud. " ~Rohsair " Bós lowen, cafos cres. " ~Fal. "Hello. Yes, we're insane." ~Kit "Some more so than others." ~Kallik *massages ...

Yup, but you still need what is called "technical accuracy" which is getting your spelling and grammer and wording and all right.

"No flautist here, I'm afraid. Still... " *begins whistling a song very tunefully* ~Rohsair "Nice tune." ~Fal.

"With pleasure, Narvie. *points at Sethren* You, Sethie-boy are a figment of Shafter's imagination. You are not real, except in her mind." ~The Raven "Shafter's got a very futile imagination." ...

Can you post the next installments as seperate posts, and not add them onto the first one? It makes it easier. :D My head hurts, so I won't nitpick the ...

Hi Rosie! Another chocaholic here? *holds out sticky hand smeared with chocolate* Yep, you'll like it here! :D -Twit

Good job of showing what he can do, and you give important info without resorting to an info-dump. :D Good egg. I flapped my impressive black wings and lifted off ...

"Oh no! Not another one of Moron's friends! Sethbaida, is it?" ~The Raven