Twit

Neat use of flashbacks here; like JC's POD, which is just as good though - :roll: - just as remorseful.

Good beginning. Shows the potential for what happens later.

I don't mean to pry, but you said that this is true and personal. Do you have a scar, then? Is this your own experience? Sorry, if that's being nosy. ...

Very good chapter, and I'm glad you didn't go any further with that flashback. Your writing style is very smooth and easy to read.

Brilliant!! Great! Wonderful retelling, hope you do well, no mistakes spotted here, just short and sweet, this was very well written and funny.

Very good. Sad that this kinda thing happens in real life. Shows what idiots people can be when they're sweet on each other. Morons. Anyway, good chapter, didnt think the ...

Elein saved me a job, by doing the line-by-line-nitpick (thanks Elein!), so nothing left for to say, just that I liked this. It seemed interesting, but a bit flat, if ...

If this was for an assignment, then it doesn't need a proper ending or plot. But if you're going to expand this - and it'd be good if you did ...

I thought twas nice, except for what Jules said about "alone" being all one word. :)

Very good! Interesting and all. :) If you don't scrub their dating history, then you should at least rewrite it, as the wording is too stiff. However, my parents did ...

This is good! I haven't read the first bits of this, but this is great. :) What are "strobe lights"?

3/10 Sounds deep, but confusing.

Thanky, Magicman, fishr and Wiggy! [That about Marion's name, yes, I see what you mean, Wiggy.]

Good! :) The major things were that you skipped tenses here: It was a massive horse, seventeen hands high, strong, proud, and it can run like a demon unleashed from ...

Your dialogue is too wordy. The characters say things, but what they say isn't very important. Yes, build up a picture of Jason's life and his relationship with his uncle, ...