Twit

Hey, nice! It read very smoothly, and it had a nice personal feel to it. And the subject is something I can empathize with - I'll be going to school ...

Pardon my ineptness...but what do cor and lumme mean? They're very British expressions. :) And in this case, they represent utter gobsmacked astonishment and impatience for the next chapter.

Ah, good. Indomitable against all odds. Steadfast and courageous. *blinks* Sorry, that sounds rather insincere. The entire worlds shattered into pieces and only darkness was left behind. Shouldn't tha

Cor, now why... is he... what does.... how is it....? :shock: Lumme, this is worse than the last cliffhanger!

Coo, ominous! He got to his knees and whipped it away with his sleeve. Whipped = wiped would sound better. The thing lifted a silver, swirling sword and drifted quickly ...

Um, weird. The girl isn't human then? The ending was too rushed; it started off fine, but at the end, you're just telling us what happened, not making it interesting. ...

Ah, very sad. I didn't think it was confusing; I got the message perfectly. Yes I now feel safe. Comma after Yes . That aside, I didn't see any grammer ...

:lol: Very funny. What's to come, mewonders?

Second Part: Little warning bells started going off when I read this: Sitting back, Morthin let his head fall to gaze out of the eastern window. The sunlight seemed to ...

First Part: Good beginning. :) Didn't spot any errors; there were just a few odd sentances that could have been worded better. Like here: The crowd roared in approval as ...

It's a bit confusing. All the action that happens here could be written clearer. And those squares are really starting to annoy me. I know they mean something to you, ...

*blinkcoughcoughlooksaway* Cut the erm... erotic stuff, or I can't crit. Take that out, and this was good carrying on of action and all. Sorry, this wasn't very helpful, but... well, ...

Funny, but... abusive. Bad language and all puts me off.

Way cool! I think Richard looks better as not-ugly-and-pot-bellied. It makes him seem more chilling y'know?

Brad lay back and shut his eyes hastily. "After some careful thought, I've reconsidered the notion, and decided it's ridiculous. I'm asleep, I'm asleep!" :lol: what if you helped me ...