Twit

This didn't read as easily as your other stuff, JC. The others all pointed out the main stuff. It was well written, but somewhat choppy in places.

I haven't read the first part, but I'll try to find it, if the bug has belched it back out again. This was good, and apart from the few things ...

Hi Evangeline, hope you like YWS! :) You like the earth? (Quick! Everyone go hug a tree!) As in, turn electricity so you can't go on the computer, save the ...

Aw, this was sad. Not soppy, just emotional. And the last line just summed it all up.

Chan, good, tho. :) Knall pet Skyzer on the head and looked back over. Pet = petted? Patted? Knall could feel his magical energy being restored quickly. Knall closed his ...

This was written a lot better, but the other changes - or things I didn't get the first time - should be changed again. Namely, girl and girl. Girl and ...

"I just want play," Jon whined, half-amused at Kyle. This feels unfinished. Say half-amused at Kyle's... whatever. Say what it is about Kyle that amuses Jon. His manner? Expression, voice ...

Um... *cough* what's the definition of a racial slur? Like calling someone a lying arab; that kind of thing?

Nice. I think it belongs here in Other Fiction; I once wrote (a very bad) something like this, and it would have been better off (not written) put in this ...

That sounds cool; definately something I'd have a bash at. :) If you're doing this in third person, you could do a switch between mythical creature and normal person more ...

deLucio's not so bad after all... :shock: Great chapter, and I can't wait to find out what happens next!! Kiera's responses during the "interrogation" had me grinning. :D

Yeah, Jamie ought to leave! Her mum hates/sincerely dislikes her, and she's not safe around her dad. She's got a car; why doesn't she scarper??

Hi! I'm reading Kel's story, and saw your crit. :) Hope you come out of your shell more often and post lots of stuff! -Twit

Wayhay, WD! :D I've never finished a book, but I've finished short stories. What're you gonna do NEXT???

4/10 Those squares in the corner. Seen them in magicman's avatar... [You hate LOTR?? *screams and faints*]