Twit

Space this out; you'll attract far more readers. What's with these thingies? The ancient Egyptians called it the “River of Life€ It's good though, from what I've seen, that it's ...

Here's tense-skipping: "Samuel...," Father said, shaking me gently, and jolting me out of my thoughts. Past, good. "I will," I shout, hurrying, pumping my legs to their full exstent. Present. ...

You need to review more stuff than you post. Just a hint. :wink: "Hello?" I said , surprised that someone got this number other than the agency. Comma after said ...

Well, add capitals where caps are due for a start. Always capitalize "I". As to the subject... It was rather bland. I can't quite say how this can be improved ...

I avoided his gaze , knowing all too well that my plan was to go over there and see if they'd let me back in... Comma there. " Wan't me ...

Purty tattoo! I havn't met you, but yes, I've heard of you, of course. :D Glad you're back!

"Kill the dirt! Hate dirt." ~the Raven *shrug* "Unavoidable." ~Fal. "Part of life, really." ~Kit "Comfortable. Water's enemy, so I like it. Well, not like, but it's alright, if you ...

Gee, this is VERY long. I'd post it in several parts to make it easier to read. Grammpa expression was solemn and soon after he finished his speech, be twiddled ...

Hmm, that quote was good, but a few things: you skip tenses, and I really think you should change "Mum" to "Mother". It don't feel right. ^_^ The Sons of ...

Rather confusing, sorry. And can you change the font, this one's difficult to read. w hen she awoke from the darkness the bandits had tied her hands to the horn ...

This new found hope suddenly changed the way I saw other people’s definitions about me. New found = newfound. (I think.) Before I began to write, I looked up what ...

I'm not even sure what this is, if it's Non-Fiction or Randomness or Lounge. :? Still, a Post-It note?? Give the boy marks for originality, anyway. :roll:

I didn't really understand this, which possibly means that this is a good poem. :wink: But I did really like the last line. :D What makes me diffrent . Diffrent ...

Is this a follow on from the other Break Neck that I read? This is better written than the first, but it would still be good to add a bit ...

Hm. The Bad: This was rushed, and your grammer needs attention. You need to set up the scene way more than you do here. The Good: This has potential! It ...