Twit

I like the mane and face, but the legs are a bit stiff. Nice looking, though. Better than anything I could draw. :)

The word "ejaculated" should never be used to indicate dialogue. Ever. That word crops up a lot in the Sherlock Holmes stories. Doyle can get away with it, I suppose. ...

Abrupt. You need to review more stuff. Emotions, you need emotions and technical accuracy. This has been posted in several parts, but it might be better as one short story, ...

I like it, and keep the itallics. :) I like the contrast between new and old paint.

Move this to Other Fiction, or phrase this differently, put it into stanzas and colour it up more. (was that intended? not sure) It has potential, certainly!

The last line was out of synch with the rest of the poem. Before it was all "oh woe is me" and the last line was "ah well, have fun ...

It did feel a touch cliched. The questions are good, but they've been done before.

Nice! And I don't properally get it, so it must be good. :wink: I liked this bit best: You are the plant that the sun has dried out, the unwashed ...

I can't tell you how to make it better, but I liked the first one best. Crushing their bones with the tide? Would sand come up and eat the children, ...

Yeah, I know how that is. :roll: Have to check out those books some time. Heard of them, but never read.

"Weary traveler," called she most far Far = fair? my fath -shaken fingers. Fath = faith? It's pretty good, but so swimming in pretty language, that it drowns my understanding. ...

I like the first one heaps! It was really nice, and I much prefer the first first line, since a beak can't slip around a heart. :roll: But the first ...

What is this a fanfic of? Space this out first. Text Chi, as the Baroness says. Leave a line between each paragraph, and each bit of dialogue. No face was ...

LOL, very funny!! :lol: :lol: Nice rhymes - nothing constructive, but I did like this!!

"Off The Edge Of The Rainbow." ~the Raven "A Fool's Hope." ~Fal. "The Highly Irregulars of Baker Street." ~Kit "The Turquoise Scarab." ~Rohsair Do you mind being corrected?