ToritheMonster

This was cute, it made me laugh. Good work. This was short but a fun read, especially me with my super short attention span. My only issue was that you ...

Thanks you so much, everyone, for making this a featured work and supporting me! I'm so happy! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

I kinda liked this. Kinda. It did seem like you were venting, but hey, that's what you wanted to do, right? Keep working on this one, it has potential, and ...

Heyya. Dreamy here. One nitpick: "We cut at each others throats and watch them bleed." That line just doesn't sound right, I'd get rid of it if I were you. ...

Can I get some reviews? All the other parts are just a few pages back, and the link to part one is in my sig.

Tranquility: Thanks! I'll look over those lines. Lydia: Thanks to you to. I'll look at my meter and figure out that line. Icubed: Another thanks. --Dreamy

The Christian people in my life, they look like me and you. But 'cuz I'm not the churchy type, they call me "dirty Jew." I cannot talk religion, their bible ...

This was.... was sad, creepy, and fairly good. However, take a look at your meter. It's something like: 5,5,6,2,6,8,5,7..... well, it's not smooth to say the least. Work on this! ...

Aw! This was really sad! I'm all teary over here. Although that could be because I'm overtired. I don't know. Really nice work. You have got talent! Just use Nick's ...

Woah! This was really long! Can you break it up into parts? Then I can do a good review. It seems good so far. --Dreamy Oh! And Welcome to YWS! ...

Oh good, this is shaping up.;) I'm liking this so far! It's sort of becoming... I dunno... darker. More mysterious. You're a good writer, and thanks for not making them ...

Hm, this was pretty good. I agree with Titch's nitpicks, I'd go over those. Also, I kinda thought that your writing had a mildly feminine touch to it... and so ...

This was cool! I suggest reading it over, you can catch the mistakes yourself, they're all pretty obvious. I liked your style-- speaking without quotes. That was cool. I also ...

This was sweet! Just a few nitpicks: "Those months had been amazing, like my wildest cliché fantasies but ending it had been the right thing for both of us." should ...

Hey! I'll be brief, too. First! You need to fix your capitalization and punctuation. Next! Your rhyming wasn't very good. It sounds like you just really needed rhyming words, and ...