Torigirl15

i'm happy you liked it! i wish i could post more a day, but i don't want to over do it. XD but don't worry, i have a ton more ...

Hey ppl that are reviewing this, please check out the revised version of these chapters, cause i know these are not very good. =) hahah sorry that you read it ...

Needs a little work using synonyms, you seem to use the same word to describe things, and that can get annoying. I like where this is going, but i was ...

This is pretty long, sorry. I wanted to finish posting chapter 7 though... so yeah. =) and still no title!! augh, if anyone has any idea.... x.x i'm stumped. I ...

I'm glad you don't think it is too much like the Percy Jackson series... i was worried about that.

i really liked your last line, it left somewhat of a cliff hanger, but not enough to make the reader annoyed. A lot of cliff hangers can be overrated, but ...

“You could die.” “Yep.” “Thought you should know.” “I do.” I thought this part was pretty awesome. i always try to write dialogue like this in my novel, but so ...

I loved this! haha it really shows the awkwardness two people have when they first meet and kind of like each other. Well, at least the guy likes the girl. ...

yeah, her brother is younger, i have to make sure i add that in later. =)

you use the word burnt there twice at the end, both to describe the briefcase and the money, maybe try using charred or something. other than that, i really liked ...

in the beginning when your mc first mentions taking the job that goes to earth she says something about it paying her retirement, and then you mention her retirement again ...

This is a really good story. it drew me in right away, and i really enjoyed this chapter. There are definitely not too many big words, i think they fit ...

:) Chapter Seven-Home Hestia came up with the plan. I was to go home, tell my mom that they called last minute at school, and that I had to go ...

i haven't read the other chapters, so i can't make much of a comment, but i just wanted to say i liked this piece! keep writing!!

hahah i'm a nerd too, and yes you are very helpful. xD i usually post some everyday, didn't have enough points yesterday, but i try. =)