TheStarmaker

I get what you were saying in these, but you need to make how you say it clearer. I wake to the sound of sirens wailing, Turn on my laptop, ...

Once you left, Twice you broke my heart. You tried to stay, But that just made it worse. This is meh. It's typical tween doomed love babble. Spice it up ...

Spread your cloud wisp wingtips with me, and we’ll draw sky curtains together, following drifting parachutes weighed by raindrops and regret. Let’s spend the afternoon matching torn-up lithographs

You have a few issues with flow here that I'll address first. They're quoted here: Maybe you'd become a little crab, Too many syllables packed into one line. Crawling through ...

Hai. If we could speak to God, What would we say? It's a vaguely intriguing opening. I'm interested, at least. I would try to make it a little more captivating, ...

Hi. The only real problems with this poem are as follows: 1.) You lack imagery. This is, as another critiquer said, a big chunk of text on the page. It ...

Again, as in your other poem, this is a list. This poem is, essentially: I did this. Then, I did that. I felt like this. You did that. I felt ...

The problem I'm seeing here is that you paint no images. This is a list; you tell, tell, tell me what happens. This is dull. Expand on what happens more; ...

There is that one jar of clay, Saying "that one jar" implies that the reader knows/owns this jar of clay, which they likely do not. I would say "the". As ...

Sporks- Hi, thanks for welcoming me. Chuck Palahniuk is amazing. Greed- Will do. Guitar isn't too hard to play. It's quite fun, though. Selene- I love experimental poetry, like, stuff ...

Hey. I'm Lia (yes, I'm a girl). I write song lyrics and (occasionally) poetry. I'm addicted to sci-fi novels, and other stuff mixed in. I love Kurt Vonnegut, Chuck Palahniuk, ...